M-am hotarat sa-mi fac si eu un blog. Coming soon to an internet near you.

The new CSI season has started. All rejoice. Huge spoilers ahead.

Commented about in the order I saw them.

CSI Miami

While I like this series much better than CSI New York, I must say that this episode was a huge disappointment. Rushed, with uninteresting cases and crappy performances from all involved. The only good thing was that there were some cool outside shots of Brazil.

Now, normally I’m seeing CSI Miami on Romanian TV and they’re showing the second season, so there’s some stuff I knew only from the official website, like the fact that Caine got married to Delko’s sis (some 20 years younger) and that Speedle was gone from the show. “tear”

Short synopsis: Caine goes to Brazil with Delko to avenge the death of his wife and succeeds, but his brother dies and his nephew gets involved with muling drugs. Caine, of course, saves him by the end of the show. Of course. Meanwhile, the people back in Miami deal with the death of a surfboard king, who got whacked by his wife’s jilted lover.

Impressions: David Caruso was never a good actor, but in this episode he was unusually stiff, going around everywhere and spouting uninteresting stuff pompously. Calleigh, what on earth did you do to your pretty, blond locks? Change it back. Delko was there. Alex was cool as usual (I like her, my very favorite MI from all the CSI series). The guy who replaced Speed in some previous season looks and tries to act like Greg Sanders. Newsflash, guy whose name I didn’t bother to remember, you’re not Greg. He’s funny. The Natalia chick was uninteresting. (It’s the first time I saw these last two in the show).

Highs: Uhh, Brazil?

Lows: Everything else?

Score: 5 out of 5 cigarettes, which means that I stopped watching the show and went out for a smoke everytime I felt like it.

CSI - Las Vegas

Now, this episode was pure brilliance, from the very first second to the last. One of the best episodes ever. That’s how a season opener is supposed to be. CSI Las Vegas is the first of the series (this is their 7th season) and the very best.

Summary: The episode starts with two superimposed events: one is a Cirque du Soleil show, and the other a Sam Braun party with the hottest dancers ever. Literally. And oh, I really want that music they’re dancing on.

Get jiggy with it.

Closeup.

We then get to see the two cases of this episode: one is a gruesome murder, a young woman crushed by a platform at the Cirque du Soleil show, and the other is an apparent suicide at the Sam Braun party. The first proves to be an accident, and the second really a suicide. But the real shocker comes at the end of the episode, with two other new cases. The first is a murder scene who contains the same recreated murder scene in a doll-house. Clever and frightening.

Guess what’s the real thing and what’s the recreation?

Ok, that wasn’t so difficult.

Big Brother is watching YOU! (That’s Grissom’s eye, btw)

The second is, dunn, dunn, Catherine gets raped. Whut? Apparently someone spiced her drink with a date-rape drug. When she wakes up in the morning and realizes what had happened, and then prefers to process herself rather than call the CSI team, and then gets into the shower to wash herself, it’s one of the most impressive and heart-wrenching moments in the entire series.

Taking her own SAE kit. Ouch. But, whatta tough woman. You gotta love Catherine, hang in there, girl.

Highlights: SuperDave messes up again and the corpse he was in charge of gets to the morgue all bled out and compromised. Grissom getting Sara a veggie burger, cuuute. Nick and Catherine dancing on John Mellencamp music.

Nick and Catherine luv forever. Get together, you guys. Catherine needs a good man. Nick needs to get laid with someone who’s not a hooker or himself.

The implosion of the Rampart and the cheering crowd. Brass having an orgasm while he’s getting a tattoo.

Oooh, aaah! Moooore! Mooooooooooooooore!

Um… This is the ickiest thing I’ve ever seen on CSI. It even beats the liquefied corpse in the tub (Sara and Catherine had this case), the one that dies from a intracranial bleeding a day after being smacked in a sports bar with a dolphin ring.

Lows: Greg gets 5 seconds of screen-time. Why? I had to rewind and check the credits again to make sure he was still a regular. More Greg, please.

Aww, poor Greggy looks so alone and lost. Don’t let Greg suffer. Give a hug to Greg. And a thong. Thank you.

Louise Lombard becomes a regular. Even though she’s been in two seasons already, she’s made such a powerful impression on me that I didn’t remember her character’s name. Oh, it’s Sophia something.

Score: -5 out of 5 ciggie. I was glued to the seen. I’ve seen the opening three times already. I think I may watch this episode again. It was television orgasm at its best.

CSI New York

A good season opener overall. Unremarkable cases, but it wasn’t as irritating as Miami. The cases were in fact so unremarkable that I don’t feel like talking about them.

Highs: The opening containing bungee sex. I don’t understand how the hell that’s possible, but oh well. Flack looking hot with his new hairdo, and Sheldon, cute as always. Lindsay needs more screentime. In fact, make this show about Lindsay. She’s the only one who breathes life in her character. The MI is cool, and I think he writes his own lines, cause they’re more interesting than the rest of the script. More screentime for the MI, what’s his name.

Lows: I’ve yet to see a really interesting case in this series. Please, borrow some of the CSI Las Vegas’s screenwriters. Just once. Again, to the screenwriters: give Danny Messer some development. He’s interesting. And get rid of the stone cold attitude of Mac. I’m so sick of it, it got old so damn fast. Stella, fire your make-up artist. You look like you’ve been through a failed facial lifting. Thank you.

Score: 2 out of 5. This series has never been one of my favorites, but it can be enjoyable and this episode was better than the standard.